He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
