I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Let's paint friendship bongs
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
