Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
