I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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