I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
two words: eviction party
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
