Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
