dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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