Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
In other news, I just burned my penis
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
