Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
