Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
