you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
