she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
