I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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