I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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