I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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