My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
