He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
