Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Who died my cat blue again?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
