they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
