Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just come out here and I will go home with you...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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