My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
