I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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