Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Your mouth is God's brothel.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize