just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think your dad took our porno
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
