This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
