so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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