i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
