Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
