Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
