I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
