Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize