it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
