Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
