I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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