I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
