I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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