I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
