You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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