He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
