They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
