she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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