I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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