I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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