did you get engaged???
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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