That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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