Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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