it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
