we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
