you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
