i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
