I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
