She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
