You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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