i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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