you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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