over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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