He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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