I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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