He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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