I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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