My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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