I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
