Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Randomize
