someone get that fucking seahorse.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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