you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
