I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize