well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
