last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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