she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i drank out of a bidet.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
