but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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