I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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