did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Tornado booty call.. dedication
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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